A great post over at Science Based Parenting called “10 Tips to Being a Better House Husband” got me thinking about applying critical thinking to my daily life.
Like TickTock, I stay at home. I had never planned to be the stay at home parent. When Jason and I got married, I used to joke that once we started having kids, he’d be the house husband. “I could never stay at home,” I’d say, “I think I’d go crazy.”
However, as often happens when we make blanket statements about the future, I ended up doing the exact opposite. In February, when I was 5 months pregnant, I was laid off. I was also sick and having a really hard time being pregnant. I was offered a consulting gig, and Jason and I agreed that I would consult, see how it went and at that I would be the primary caregiver for the boy at the outset. If it didn’t work, or I wasn’t happy, we’d figure out something else. Since (for the most part) it has gone well, I’m still at home four months later, and have no plans on changing that any time soon.
Since starting to stay at home, I’ve often felt like TickTock does – that I’m not being a good parent or partner. There is a lot of emotion wound up in staying at home, particularly if you’re used to working. You don’t have a supervisor over your shoulder telling you that you’re going to get a raise because your floors are spotless. Your kids aren’t going to give you a good performance review, and your spouse certainly won’t either. It can be difficult to figure out if you’re succeeding or not, and I’m learning that it takes stepping out of the emotional side of things and applying some critical thinking tools to what and how you spend your time, and how you evaluate yourself at the end of the day.
My biggest step in figuring out whether or not I was being a good partner came by actually asking Jason whether or not I was doing enough. When we started doing this, I had this idea that he wanted me to be some sort of 1950s superwoman housewife, who took care of the kid, kept the house spotless, had a hot dinner ready ever night, and oh, by the way, also worked from home. At one point, I can recall washing bottles, and then the kitchen floor, at midnight. This wasn’t a sustainable lifestyle – and it prompted me to talk to Jason about what his expectations were as they compared to mine. When we did discuss it, I learned that my “idea” was just that – my idea, and my expectation about what I should be doing. Applying some critical thinking to my day to day life has helped a lot. Is it really in our best interest that I make time to make dinner rather than getting take out? Probably. Is it in our best interest that I do laundry every single day and make sure the kitchen floor is clean? Probably not.
If you’re struggling with this, I do suggest you read TickTock’s ten tips list. What it reminded me was that planning was important – and that it might be a good idea to do a little more of it. I also totally identified with #9 (get off the internet). I spend a lot of time online. I say I’m looking for “ideas” when in reality I’m wasting my time, and dividing my attention in ways that lead me to get a lot less done in the long run. Moving forward, I would like to flex my critical thinking muscles by asking myself if what I’m doing on the Internet really benefits me. There is a difference between researching something for a client, or for my blogs, and reading gossip about the kids from Twilight and spoilers for television shows I don’t watch.
Whether you stay at home, work at home or work at an office (or in the great outdoors!), we could all use a good dose of critical thinking in our day to day. What part of your life would you like to apply more critical thinking to?
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