SkepParent

My job has me going to a lot of parenting blogs and forums.  On one hand, I like many of them because they provide a space that lets parents know they aren’t alone with a particular issue.  The communities foster a sense of “I’m not the only one whose kid (blanks!)” For newer parents, they can be super helpful – particularly at three in the morning when you’re trying to figure out if your 3 month old has gone crazy, is sick, or just wants to play.

Parenting blogs and forums can also be terrible purveyors of  woo, and I do believe that facts presented on them – about nutrition, health, recalls, etc – should be taken with a grain of salt. Most of them are hotbeds of opinon.  On parenting blogs, its important to remember that the person is another parent, just like you, and may or may not be fully educated in what they are talking about (this includes my own blog).

I’ve noticed something that I’ve doe myself, but really dislike: labeling.  On many blogs or message boards, you see signatures that say: “baby-wearing, cloth diapering, home schooling, stay at home mom of 2!” or “stay at home non-diapering dad of 3!,” “home birth mamma!” (and, yes, even skeptical parents can fall into it with “free range parent!” or “skepparent!” as our labels). The labels may vary from community to community, and what individuals label themselves as can be intricately tied to the makeup of each particularly blog or forum, but they pervade parenting areas online.

I really wish we would get away from it.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it.  I also totally understand that it may seem hypocritical coming from someone with a blog called “Skepparent”…but hear me out.  Labeling ourselves is something that people do.  But often, I’ve learned, we label what we do, and turn it into who we are.

What’s so bad about it? I think that the pervasive labels:

• Kill the opportunity for dialogue and hinders openness to new ideas. I’ve caught myself looking through  online communities, see certain labels, and move on.  I’m thinking “Oh, well, I have nothing to learn from this person” or “He must be crazy. I’ll avoid his advice!” I’ve also found myself more likely to listen to (and dialogue with) someone who uses labels I myself relate to.

• Doesn’t allow for easy changes in belief or identity. By labeling ourselves as a particular parenting “type,” we box ourselves in.  It doesn’t let us, as parents (particularly new parents), try on identities and types of parenting styles and ideas.  It’s hard, particularly in a community, to say “You know, I’ve gone from being a baby-wearing, breastfeeding, stay at home to a working, formula feeding mom.  Thems the brakes!”

• It turns what we do into who we are.  I mentioned this earlier, but what’s the problem here? Because we aren’t always what we do.  I will continue to be a parent, but I can know my methods may change within my child’s life and from child to child.   To make a further point, I am not “a Skepparent,” I am a parent who engages in skeptical thought. I’m a parent who wants to think before jumping into a big parenting decision.  I’m a parent that hates woo.  I’m not a “baby wearer,” I’m someone who uses a sling to transport their child instead of a stroller.  Most of the time.  Does that mean I’m a baby wearer when I’m not actively wearing my baby?

As a parent, you’ll get labeled anyway by other people, so why do it to yourself? I understand that in certain situations it can make life easier (i.e., saying “I’m a stay at home dad” when asked “Where do you work?”) but as parents, we sell ourselves short when we resort to labels to describe ourselves and our families.

We’re parents. Shouldn’t that be enough?