Dec 09

I’m a baby-wearing, disposable-diapering, formula-feeding, vaccinating, work at home mom! (Join me now!)

By corrie Critical Thinking, Geek, Parenting No Comments »

My job has me going to a lot of parenting blogs and forums.  On one hand, I like many of them because they provide a space that lets parents know they aren’t alone with a particular issue.  The communities foster a sense of “I’m not the only one whose kid (blanks!)” For newer parents, they can be super helpful – particularly at three in the morning when you’re trying to figure out if your 3 month old has gone crazy, is sick, or just wants to play.

Parenting blogs and forums can also be terrible purveyors of  woo, and I do believe that facts presented on them – about nutrition, health, recalls, etc – should be taken with a grain of salt. Most of them are hotbeds of opinon.  On parenting blogs, its important to remember that the person is another parent, just like you, and may or may not be fully educated in what they are talking about (this includes my own blog).

I’ve noticed something that I’ve doe myself, but really dislike: labeling.  On many blogs or message boards, you see signatures that say: “baby-wearing, cloth diapering, home schooling, stay at home mom of 2!” or “stay at home non-diapering dad of 3!,” “home birth mamma!” (and, yes, even skeptical parents can fall into it with “free range parent!” or “skepparent!” as our labels). The labels may vary from community to community, and what individuals label themselves as can be intricately tied to the makeup of each particularly blog or forum, but they pervade parenting areas online.

I really wish we would get away from it.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it.  I also totally understand that it may seem hypocritical coming from someone with a blog called “Skepparent”…but hear me out.  Labeling ourselves is something that people do.  But often, I’ve learned, we label what we do, and turn it into who we are.

What’s so bad about it? I think that the pervasive labels:

  • Kill the opportunity for dialogue and hinders openness to new ideas. I’ve caught myself looking through  online communities, see certain labels, and move on.  I’m thinking “Oh, well, I have nothing to learn from this person” or “He must be crazy. I’ll avoid his advice!” I’ve also found myself more likely to listen to (and dialogue with) someone who uses labels I myself relate to.
  • Doesn’t allow for easy changes in belief or identity. By labeling ourselves as a particular parenting “type,” we box ourselves in.  It doesn’t let us, as parents (particularly new parents), try on identities and types of parenting styles and ideas.  It’s hard, particularly in a community, to say “You know, I’ve gone from being a baby-wearing, breastfeeding, stay at home to a working, formula feeding mom.  Thems the brakes!”
  • It turns what we do into who we are.  I mentioned this earlier, but what’s the problem here? Because we aren’t always what we do.  I will continue to be a parent, but I can know my methods may change within my child’s life and from child to child.   To make a further point, I am not “a Skepparent,” I am a parent who engages in skeptical thought. I’m a parent who wants to think before jumping into a big parenting decision.  I’m a parent that hates woo.  I’m not a “baby wearer,” I’m someone who uses a sling to transport their child instead of a stroller.  Most of the time.  Does that mean I’m a baby wearer when I’m not actively wearing my baby?

As a parent, you’ll get labeled anyway by other people, so why do it to yourself? I understand that in certain situations it can make life easier (i.e., saying “I’m a stay at home dad” when asked “Where do you work?”) but as parents, we sell ourselves short when we resort to labels to describe ourselves and our families.

We’re parents. Shouldn’t that be enough?

Nov 20

On Playing…

By corrie Geek, Music, Parenting No Comments »

I rarely feel the need to post aj bouncingthe boy’s picture here, but the picture to the left is a pretty accurate view of what we spend our day(s) doing recently.  The boy bounces. And he jumps. And he bounces some more.  If I put on some music (at the moment, favorites include the SugarHill Gang, They Might Be Giants and Steve Wonder) he can go for 40 minutes or more. I tried it for five minutes (jumping, sans jumper of course) and wore myself out.  I still can’t figure out how he does it. Unlimited energy, I guess?

Anyway, the constant jumping (and its close personal friend, Gnawing On Stuff) has gotten me thinking about the how to play with babies.  The boy is getting to the stage where staring at stuff isn’t as fun as it used to be, and he wants to be more active (even if he isn’t).  Toddlers I get how to play with, and I’m all about when he gets old enough to do the things on the “100 Things to do before you’re a teenager” list. But babies? I’m still feeling my way around that.

One thing I’ve been using is the Productive Parenting site – they email you a new idea to do with your kid each day.  While I’ve found some of them to be a source of fun (the boy particularly loves looking in the looking in the mirror and bathtime ideas), some of them seem like they are either too old or too young for him.  I’m searching for things to do. Anyone who has any ideas, please share! I’m looking for good “playing together” ideas as well as good “playing alone” ideas.  As an only child, I think alone time is really important and I want to instill that in him as well.

Nov 03

Book Review: Free Range Kids

By corrie Book, Critical Thinking, Parenting No Comments »

I finally got around to reading  Free Range Kids, by Lenore Skenazy.  If you haven’t heard of Lenore before, she is the lady that let her 9 year old ride the subway by himself, and was vilified by the media.  I’ve enjoyed her blog, and the book has been on my radar for a while, but I haven’t had time to read it until recently.  I’m glad I waited, because I’m already seeing some of the issues she talks about both in my own parenting and in comments that others have made about either their own parenting (or mine). I think the book is a must read for anyone who has a kid, plans on having a kid or even those who know people who have kids.  FRK breaks down some of the myths behind many issues of childhood that grip us in fear nowadays – namely, stranger danger/kidnapping statistics, the “dangers” of Halloween, and the book takes a look at how the culture of fear is depriving our children of the same freedoms (and fun) of childhood that we enjoyed as kids.

The book is broken into chapters and at the end of each chapter are “Free Range activities” you can try with your own kids.  For us, it is a wee bit early to try any of the activities (seeing as not only can AJ not walk anywhere on his own, but he just found his own feet). However, I think the spirit of Free Range kids is important for any Skeptiparent to have.  Being Skeptical and engaging in critical thinking means that you encourage it in your children and yourself. If you find that you’re worried (especially excessively worried) about something your child wants to do (for example, riding a bike to school, or cooking his own lunch) think critically about what could *really* happen (down to statistics if you need them) while keeping in mind your goal of creating an independent thinker, and evaluate if you really should be so worried.  I don’t think teaching your kids that the world is big, and wide and interesting — and that science and experimentation are fun – will work, unless we allow them to experiment and learn from experiences.

Jason and I plan on treating AJ the way we were treated.  Granted, my upbringing was a little different than many – I grew up in Europe for part of my youth, and due to certain things in the mid-80s, we often had military guards along our street and in our school. I was probably more protected than most. However, AJ won’t have military police around him, and as he grows older, we want to instill independence – letting him use the stove, walk to school on his own or with friends, and play in the yard without me sitting right next to him.  We will do what works for us, in our environment.  If you live on a farm, you may be able to give your kids the freedom to roam around — while having to drive them to school and other activities.  If you live in the city, you may be able to do the opposite. However, the spirit of Free Range Kids reminds me that I’ll need to evaluate my own anxieties as I parent AJ, and embrace rationality over fear.

If you’re interested in exploring more Free Range topics, head on over to the Free Range Kids blog.  It’s wonderful, and a great resource for ongoing ideas to keep you’re brain in the “free range”.*

*Why yes, I do like bad jokes. Why do you ask?

Nov 02

Trick: Following Your Own Kids in Your Car Ups Your Creep Factor By Ten

By corrie Geek, Music, Parenting No Comments »

Saturday marked my first Halloween as a parent.  I didn’t want to take AJ anywhere, but at the last minute we stuck him in a fuzzy snowsuit that had bear ears on it and trooped him to three neighbor’s houses. Since one of the three houses we went to on our street was a family member, and the other two have known my husband since he was a wee lad, I felt a lot more like we were sharing the cuteness of our baby in a bear snowsuit costume than trying to get free candy. (If there’s one thing I hate its people I don’t know, coming to my door with a baby in a costume, and no other kids in tow, trick or treating. We know you want free candy – we just don’t want you to have OURS)

A few words on the last minute bear snowsuit costume.  As a kid, I used to have elaborate home made costumes, until the year that my mom fell down the stairs a few weeks before Halloween.  We all were so busy getting her well that we forgot the big H was coming up. I ended up wearing a Dirndl that was hanging around my closet and said I was a German girl. (Seeing as we were actually IN GERMANY at the time, I had a coolness and originality score of negative ten). After that year, our family’s collective Halloween creativity petered out.  In fact, for many years, I wore the same thing – a disco dress with rhinestone straps and stilettos. Glitter may have been involved. I had a short burst of creativity when Jason and I went as Fry and Leela from Futurama four years ago, and another last year when I was pregnant and we went as Juno and Bleeker.  However,  I’m afraid that AJ is destined for a long line of costumes pulled together at the last minute. (“But AJ, wearing Dad’s work clothes means you’re going as a VIDEO SERVICES GUY!”)

I was pleasantly surprised at how many kids we had this year (around 40) and how few had parents hovering at the bottom of our steps.  There were parents out in force, which is fine, but last year it felt like we had a lot more parents literally standing behind the kids on our doorstep. What we did have though, is the Great Creepy Following Car. This is a new thing (to me, anyway) in which a parent will drop their kids off at the end of a street, and then follow them in their car to each sucessive house.  To me this a) creates a hazard to all the happy walking kids – who let’s face it aren’t thinking to look for cars and b) is really creepy.  I’m far more likely to ask nervously “Is that….your car?” to the older kids when there is a car hovering in front of my house staring at my front door than I am to laud the parent for thinking safety first.

I’m interested to see how Halloween is when AJ gets older.  After reading Free Range Kids (the book AND the blog – read both now!), I paid a lot more attention to Halloween this year.  I just hope he gets the same fun out of it that I did (and doesn’t mind the crummy costumes).

What about you? How do you see Halloween and how much do you think it’s changed since you were a kid? What do you do to make it better for your kids?

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Nov 02

SkepParent Bits

By corrie Parenting No Comments »
  • Flying with Kids – Interesting post asking how other parents fly/travel with kids in light of a mom who recently got booted from a Southwest Airlines flight for a tantrumy kid.
  • Really, Kelloggs? Didn’t you learn with Cheerios? At least I know I’m getting tons of immunity goodness when I much Cocoa Krispies because I can’t eat ice cream thanks to my diet. I’m not trying to loose weight, I’m boosting my immunity! (UPI).  (As a side note, the lady quoted in the article, Kelly Brownell from Yale, sounds like a hoot!)
  • Hey! It’s November and Craft Mag is doing a Super Crafty Kids month!
  • It’s the Jenny McCarthy Bodycount Video
  • I’m totally enjoying the Skeptical Books for Children series over at PodBlack
Oct 19

Critical Thinking in Daily Life

By corrie Critical Thinking, Parenting No Comments »

A great post over at Science Based Parenting called “10 Tips to Being a Better House Husband” got me thinking about applying critical thinking to my daily life.

Like TickTock, I stay at home. I had never planned to be the stay at home parent. When Jason and I got married, I used to joke that once we started having kids, he’d be the house husband. “I could never stay at home,” I’d say, “I think I’d go crazy.”

However, as often happens when we make blanket statements about the future, I ended up doing the exact opposite.  In February, when I was 5 months pregnant, I was laid off.  I was also sick and having a really hard time being pregnant.  I was offered a consulting gig, and Jason and I agreed that I would consult, see how it went and at that I would be the primary caregiver for the boy at the outset.  If it didn’t work, or I wasn’t happy, we’d figure out something else.   Since (for the most part) it has gone well, I’m still at home four months later, and have no plans on changing that any time soon.

Since starting to stay at home, I’ve often felt like TickTock does – that I’m not being a good parent or partner.  There is a lot of emotion wound up in staying at home, particularly if you’re used to working.  You don’t have a supervisor over your shoulder telling you that you’re going to get a raise because your floors are spotless. Your kids aren’t going to give you a good performance review, and your spouse certainly won’t either.  It can be difficult to figure out if you’re succeeding or not, and I’m learning that it takes stepping out of the emotional side of things and applying some critical thinking tools to what and how you spend your time, and how you evaluate yourself at the end of the day.

My biggest step in figuring out whether or not I was being a good partner came by actually asking Jason whether or not I was doing enough.  When we started doing this, I had this idea that he wanted me to be some sort of 1950s superwoman housewife, who took care of the kid, kept the house spotless, had a hot dinner ready ever night, and oh, by the way, also worked from home. At one point, I can recall washing bottles, and then the kitchen floor, at midnight.  This wasn’t a sustainable lifestyle – and it prompted me to talk to Jason about what his expectations were as they compared to mine.  When we did discuss it, I learned that my “idea” was just that – my idea, and my expectation about what I should be doing. Applying some critical thinking to my day to day life has helped a lot.  Is it really in our best interest that I make time to make dinner rather than getting take out? Probably.  Is it in our best interest that I do laundry every single day and make sure the kitchen floor is clean? Probably not.

If you’re struggling with this, I do suggest you read TickTock’s ten tips list.  What it reminded me was that planning was important – and that it might be a good idea to do a little more of it.  I also totally identified with #9 (get off the internet). I spend a lot of time online.  I say I’m looking for “ideas” when in reality I’m wasting my time, and dividing my attention in ways that lead me to get a lot less done in the long run.  Moving forward, I would like to flex my critical thinking muscles by asking myself if what I’m doing on the Internet really benefits me.  There is a difference between researching something for a client, or for my blogs, and reading gossip about the kids from Twilight and spoilers for television shows I don’t watch.

Whether you stay at home, work at home or work at an office (or in the great outdoors!), we could all use a good dose of critical thinking in our day to day. What part of your life would you like to apply more critical thinking to?

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